Newt Gingrich Says He'll Be President "If the American people say I have to be"




Newt Gingrich has always been a man with a plan, whether as a high school student planning to marry Miss Battley, his geometry teacher (which he did—she’s the one he later dumped while she was recovering from cancer), or as a college student plotting new ways to get deferments to avoid Vietnam, or as the architect of the Contract With America. Of course, that one ended rather badly for him in the Republican debacle of 1998, when he lost the Speakership and went home to reinvent himself and dump his second wife, Marianne.

Now Newt’s back, with a plan to become president almost by magic. Here’s what he told Fortune magazine:

"I am not 'running' for president. I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen."


Wow, I’m picturing David Blaine, only chubbier, older and even more full of himself. So…if he’s not running, but he’s waiting for a sign that Americans want him to be president, what do we do, text message in our votes, like on American Idol, or something?

If only. Just to hedge his bets, Newt’s all over Iowa and New Hampshire, and he’s creating a 527 group that he hopes will be a campaign cash cow, should he ever deign to campaign. He is a guy with big ideas. He’s also a guy with a big past—and not just the three marriages. (You can read much more about Newt in Naked Republicans, a Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed.) We can’t forget the ethics issues, the creation of the sleazy, bullying Republican revolving-door lobbyist system now known as the K street project, the ill-fated, pouty government shutdown in a battle with Bill Clinton that he lost, just to name a few.

And speaking of pouty, who can forget that Gingrich is the co-author of many books, including this passage in “1945:”

Suddenly the pouting sex kitten gave way to Diana the Huntress. She rolled onto to him and somehow was sitting athwart his chest, her knees pinning his shoulders. 'Tell me, or I will make you do terrible things,' she hissed.'

Like writing really bad historical novels, presumably. Come to think of it, he writes historical fiction, and he’s trying to fictionalize his history.

The mainstream media have short attention spans and even shorter memories, so Newt will get more than his share of uncritical free media as he launches his magical mystery tour.
When he launches is 527 for example, he’ll be all over television, no doubt.

Like the new Nixon in 1968, he’s trying to be the new Newt, but the old Newt can’t be shaken off as easily as an ex-wife.

OJ Auditions for the Bush Administration

Fox schedules a Very Special OJ--See the Show, Read the Book


Like most people, when I first heard the news that OJ was back, yet again, I couldn't help but cover my ears to muffle the painful sound of the bottom of the barrel being scraped. But it shouldn't have been a surprise. After all, OJ has proven for more than ten years that he literally has no shame, and as for his publisher and no doubt hard-hitting interviewer in the TV special, Judith Regan, well, she did have an affair with Bernard Kerik, so what does that tell you about her judgment?

Then it dawned on me that he's just auditioning for a gig in the Bush administration.

As we know, being a criminal is no barrier to entry in the Republican party. Roughing up a woman won't necessarily cost you your job either, although Don Sherwood learned in Pennsylvania that even if your party supports you with money and a Presidential campaign stop, the voters may not forgive you (or believe your claim that you're merely a cheater, not a beater).

We've also seen that like many Republicans, OJ will do anything for money, and will blithely ignore a court ruling that doesn't suit him (like, paying the 33 million dollar judgment in the civil case he lost to the Goldman and Brown families). And now, with a couple of blocks thrown by the News Corps., he's showing Republicans with pending law enforcement issues just how to dart and weave through the legal minefield, dodging responsibility while still cashing in. He's a role model for all of them.

"If I Did it, Here's How it Happened" is the perfect construct for almost anybody in the administration. Take Dick Cheney. "If I did let my buddies in the energy industry write our energy policy, here's how it happened," he might say. Or, "If I did insist on using torture tactics on prisoners, Here's How it Happened."

You get the picture. The possibilities are endless. Katherine Harris on "If I did suppress thousands of votes in the 2000 election, Here's How it Happened." Condi Rice: "If I did say no one could have anticipated that terrorists would hijack planes and use them as weapons against us, Here's how it happened."

For the president, the list might begin with, "If I did say no strings were pulled for me to stay out of Vietnam, Here's how it happened," and end (so far) with "If I did say Rumsfeld would stay until 2008, Here's How it Happened."

I've always thought OJ was a Republican. Now I'm sure.


Have you checked out Naked Republicans, A Full-Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed yet? It'll make your Holiday season so much more fun.

No Sex Please, We’re Single
What Every Twenty-Something Should Know



If you have one chance to convince an independent or a Republican to vote Democratic this year, I’d like to suggest the following:


The Bush administration would like to spend your taxpayer dollars on convincing unmarried men and women not to have sex before age 30.

Yes, Abstinence Only—it’s not just for teens anymore. The Department of Health and Human Services, which administers the 50 million dollar program, has issued new guidelines telling the states that they can get funding to teach abstinence to anybody up to age 29.

The party that covered up Mark Foley’s stalking of teenagers, and the president who campaigned for a Congressman who admitted an affair with a 29 year old woman, would like to ask all you singles out there to just say no to sex, at least until you’re 30. (No telling whether there’s an exemption for members of Congress).

I know, I know, Iraq. Katrina. Health care. Social Security. Minimum Wage. Habeas corpus. Torture. Privacy rights.

Any and all of them should be reason enough to kick these clowns out of Washington.

But let’s face it, sex gets people’s attention, and for a simple, breath-taking example of over-bearing, self-righteous, intrusive, government over-reach, you really can’t do much better than funding abstinence only programs for unmarried adults.

By the way, where do you hold the classes? The party room at Applebee’s right before Happy Hour? Or maybe you recruit in the parking lot outside your local Speed Dating venue.

Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. Now have you had enough?

Don't forget Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed.
Available wherever snarky but painfully true political observations are sold.

Lying About “Abortion Hurts Women”


Last time I checked in on the South Dakota abortion ban legislation, opponents (the pro-choice side) had easily gathered enough signatures to put it on the ballot this November. If it’s approved by voters, the law would ban all abortions, including for rape and incest victims. The only exception is to save the life of the mother. Oh, and maybe for a young woman who was a raped and sodomized virgin. Surely you remember State Senator Bill Napoli’s creepy description of a possible exception, during an interview on the NewsHour:

“ A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.”

Makes you pray that the guy doesn’t IM anybody, doesn’t it?

But it turns out to be more than a window into a disturbed imagination. It was also a window into the tactics and philosophy used by the bill’s supporters.

They’re making it all about "protecting" women. Yes, women who, according to their one-sided task force report, would never choose to have an abortion if they weren’t being unfairly pressured by forces beyond their control. Choosing on their own to have an abortion would violate “the mother’s fundamental natural intrinsic right to a relationship with her child.” Yes, they really said that. They really are claiming that women are just poor, dumb vessels whose maternal instincts override all else.

This is a tactic they’ve chosen because they think it resonates with women. Another tactic they’ve chosen is lying—they claim the bill does make exceptions for rape or incest, but the only provision is the morning after pill, which is available in about half of the pharmacies in South Dakota. Pharmacists are not required to prescribe it or even refer a woman to a drug store where she could get it.

There’s evidence that the anti-abortion side is making headway—polls last summer had the bill being defeated easily, but now it’s very close.

Wanna help defeat this bill? South Dakota Campaign for Healthy Families is a good place to start.


And by the way…It looks like Bob Casey Junior will defeat Senator Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum in Pennsylvania. That’s a good thing, relatively speaking. But when you speak of it, and you will, please remember: Casey is anti-choice, or anti-abortion rights, or anti-abortion. He is routinely referred to in the press as a “pro-life Democrat”, sometimes even on liberal blogs. But adopting the anti-abortion movement’s term “pro-life” is like adopting the Dixiecrats’ phrase “states’ rights” in the 1950s and ‘60s. It’s lazy at best, and biased framing at worst. And, as we have seen in South Dakota, the words do matter.

Speaking of words that matter, have you got Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-wing Hypocrisy and Greed yet?

From Packwood to Foley: When “No” Means “Ewwww”







If you’re shocked by the Mark Foley affair, the nauseating sexual advances, the cover-up by the GOP leadership, you need a refresher course in Packwood 101. It’s deja vu all over (and over) again, from the covered up allegations of serial sexual harassment to the obligatory trip to rehab.

Bob Packwood, of course, was a powerful Republican senator from Oregon, from 1968 until he resigned in disgrace in 1995. Like Mark Foley, he was a vocal advocate for precisely the people he was victimizing—women, in Packwood’s case. He was a strong supporter of abortion rights, and women’s groups seemed to look the other way, at least at first, when persistent complaints about his groping, grabbing and slobbering began to surface. (His signature move was to come up behind a victim, spin her around and thrust his tongue down her throat.)

Like Mark Foley, at least one of Packwood’s victims was a teenager, a 17 year old intern.

And, like Mark Foley, Mr. Packwood enjoyed writing about his sexual adventures. This was the early ‘90s and there was no IM system, so he kept old fashioned diaries. Here’s an excerpt:


“About 4:30 we had a staff party. It started slow and got bigger. None of the professional Finance Committee came but the clericals came. We drank for about an hour and a half and played charades. At about 7:00 we began to dwindle and drift except for finally (name omitted). And we sat in the office. She is a very sexy thing. Bright-eyes and hair and that ability to shift her hips. . . . Well, I won't bore you with all the details of the evening. (Name Omitted) and I made love. . . . Now bear in mind this is an hour and a half after we've made love and we're both still nude and lying on the rug. What I didn't know until later -- get this -- is that (two names omitted) were still there in the outer office and they left us alone.”

Hold on a second, I just vomited in my own mouth. Let’s find something a little tamer. Here’s one, about styling his hair:

“I just blew it until it was about dry, combed it, and if it didn’t come out looking just right! It had just the right amount of bounce to it, and wave to it. I came back rather confident.”

You see, Foley fans? Straight guys care about their appearances, too!

As with the Foley case, a news organization got hold of the Packwood story weeks before the 1992 elections. But when Packwood vehemently denied (lied about) the accusations, the Washington Post held it until after the election. Once he was safely re-elected the story broke.

When his pattern of sexually assaulting staffers, lobbyists, elevator operators, and others came to light, Packwood did what any honorable Republican would do—he blamed it on booze, and went to rehab. Sound familiar?

In the Packwood case, there were similar calls for an immediate ethics investigation, and the Senate ethics committee began its probe of Packwood just weeks after the story broke. The investigation dragged on for oh, about two years. Today we learned that the GOP leadership had been warned about Foley three years ago. Republicans on the Senate Ethics committee protected Packwood by blocking repeated efforts by the Democrats to hold public hearings.

Packwood went about his daily Senate business until 1995, when the Ethics committee finally voted to expel him from the Senate, and he quit.

The Justice Department investigated allegations that he obstructed justice by altering his diaries to remove incriminating evidence, and shook down lobbyists to put his ex-wife on their payrolls so that he could stop paying her alimony. In the end, though, the government didn’t prosecute him.

Since he’d already been to rehab, there was nothing else for Mr. Packwood to do except set up shop as a lobbyist in Washington. You’ll find him, hanging with his old buddies, as if nothing happened.

(You can learn more—way more—about your favorite Republicans in Naked Republicans, A full Frontal exposure of Right-Wing hypocrisy and Greed.)

The Do-EVERYTHING Congress Gets Caught Again



It's impossible (almost!) to keep up with the Naked Republicans.





When the White House and the GOP congressional leadership look at their poll numbers and ask their advisers, “why do they hate us?” here’s a clue: they don’t hate you for your freedom (except for Tom DeLay, and Bob Ney, of course. But the courts should take care of that).

No, it’s not your freedom—it’s your arrogance and hypocrisy. You guys weren’t the Do-Nothing Congress, you were the Do-Everything Congress. Everything you could get away with.



We’ve all had a chance to digest the spectacular hypocrisy of discovering that ex-Representative Mark Foley, chairman of the House caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, was a cyber-stalker of young men, and kept that post even after his activities became known to the House leadership.

That was bad enough. But what’s even more galling is to watch the arrogance of the House leadership, who thought that the remedy for a scandal was a cover-up, and the remedy for being caught in a coverup was to lie about it. But this time, they’re busted.

Let’s say you’re Denny Hastert. (Right, I know it’s unpleasant, but go with me here). Some of your closest lieutenants come to you and tell you that another member of your crew is sending creepy/dirty/cybersexual IMs to high school pages.

Would you forget that conversation?

Neither would Denny, I’m sure, but that’s what he wants us to believe. He pretended to be surprised by the whole story, until Rep. Thomas Reynolds refused to take the fall for him. Reynolds told reporters that he had talked to Hastert and Majority Leader Boehner about Foley’s emails last year. Hastert then said he didn’t recall the conversation but hey, if Reynolds says it happened, then maybe it did. Boehner, too, barely remembered discussing the matter with the kid’s Congressman, Rodney Alexander of Louisiana.

No kidding? The old Sergeant Schultz (I know nnnnothing) defense worked on Hogan’s Heroes, but my guess is that the public ain’t going to buy it this time.

I’m assuming that the Republican congress did virtually nothing to clean up the lobbying rules after the Abramoff scandal because they thought the voters couldn’t understand the details of that one.

Guess what? We all understand, “what are you wearing? Wish I could slip those off of you and grab the one eyed trouser snake.”

"I don't think it will be just conservative voters that will shake their heads when they hear about this," Rep. Jim McCrery told the Washington Post.

Ya think?


The fact is, the Republican leadership doesn’t care much about the sexual behavior of its members (no pun intended), or they wouldn’t have poured big bucks into the campaign of Don Sherwood. As chronicled in detail in Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed, he’s the Pennsylvania congressman whose most recent term was highlighted by an out of court settlement with a former girlfriend who had accused him of choking her during their five year extramarital affair. Rick Santorum, Mr. “It takes a Family” has campaigned for Sherwood, too.

A Vermont Republican candidate for the House had the decency to return a one thousand dollar campaign check from Sherwood, citing her commitment to ending domestic violence against women. Her name is Martha Rainville. She’s currently trailing Democrat Peter Welch in the polls. It’s just as well for her if she loses. She’d obviously never fit in.

For those of you keeping score at home, that’s three Republican members of congress who’ve resigned in disgrace this year, and one who remained in office while disgraced, Bob Ney, confessed Abramoff bribe taker.

The House leadership is braying now about Foley’s “obscene breach of trust,” which might be a perfect way to characterize the corrupted Congress.

Fits pretty well on a bumper sticker, too.

Jeanine Pirro’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year



You know a campaign is going really badly when freezing up like a deer in the headlights for 32 seconds because you lost a page of your speech is only the second worst thing you’ve done. And yet, that’s where Jeanine Pirro, Republican candidate for New York attorney general, finds herself today. If only she had been rendered as speechless when the government was taping her friend, disgraced ex-New York police commissioner Bernie Kerik. Then she wouldn’t have been accidentally overheard asking Kerik to bug her husband’s boat when she thought he was cheating on her. (Hey, did you and Bernie talk at his secret love pad overlooking Ground Zero? Just wondering). And there would have been no reason to launch a federal investigation into whether she actually did illegally bug her husband. (She and Kerik both say it was just talk).

Fortunately for those of us who enjoy a little politics with our soap operas, she won’t let a federal investigation force her to drop out of the race for the state’s top law enforcement job.

“I’m standing up for myself and I’m standing up for women,” the plucky Ms Pirro declared.

Um, that’s ok, girlfriend, no need to stand up for women. Your marriage, like your candidacy, is not going to be remembered as a feminist cause. A lot of women can empathize with the rage and pain you felt last year when you suspected your husband, Big So-Not-Gay Al of cheating on you (again).

But spare us your righteous indignation, the claims that you’re a victim of a political witch hunt, that the rules are different for women. True, sealed documents shouldn’t be leaked to reporters. But if you’re looking around to see who is victimizing you, perhaps you should look a little closer to home.

Your marriage is your personal business and you don’t have to explain it to anyone. If you want to stay with a guy who a) fathered a child out of wedlock, b) went to prison for tax evasion c) has been suspected of doing business deals with mob figures and d) was twice ticketed for speeding this summer, that’s your call. Still, you have to understand why the public finds it interesting, to say the least.

In fact, a new Marist/WNBC-TV poll finds that most New Yorkers think Pirro is being treated fairly, (66%), and more than half said they have a right to know whether she’s the target of an investigation.

My absolute favorite part of this tawdry tale is the comment an anonymous Republican Party official made to the New York Times Thursday:

“This was one of the reasons we wanted her to run for Senate—all this awful Al Pirro stuff would cloud her credentials to be the top law enforcement officer.”

Right, because you don’t need “unclouded” credentials to be a Republican Senator, is that it? Being ethically challenged is apparently no barrier to entry.

In an interview with WCBS-TV, Ms. Pirro said she doubted law enforcement agents would go after a male candidate because of his wife’s actions. But the investigation was prompted by Jeanine’s actions, not Albert’s. She was the one caught on tape discussing how to bug her husband.

When I wrote Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed, I thought Katherine Harris was the Republican party’s Worst Candidate Ever. Now, it seems Jeanine Pirro is giving Ms. Harris a real run for her money. They’ll both lose, but here’s hoping we get to watch them campaign again soon.

You can buy the book here

EXPOSE YOURSELF TO:










Ted Stevens Loads Up the Big Internet Truck
For Another Campaign


Good news, everybody—Alaska’s own Senator Ted Stevens is planning to run for re-election in 2008. (Why not? He’ll only be 84).

"I intend to stay as long as God and the people of Alaska allow me to secure these projects for Alaska," he told The Hill newspaper.

While that sounds more like a threat than a promise to wary taxpayers, the antediluvian Senator has many more “projects” to secure for the folks back home before he hangs up his cranky pants and calls it a career. Much has been made of his Bridge to Nowhere (estimated cost: 223 million dollars), but for the true fans of pork, what inspires admiration most is not the showy, spectacular waste; it’s the quiet heroism of the workaday porker. And nobody does it better than Ted.

Citizens Against Government Waste reports that last year Stevens’ “projects” included a million dollars for “alternative salmon products” (a disturbing image), 1.3 million for “berry research,” and 98 thousand dollars for the Alaska Sea Otter Commission. (What do sea otter commissioners do, exactly?)

My own favorite however, is detailed in my book, Naked Republicans, A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed. It’s nowhere near the biggest slab of bacon, but it’s arguably the most colorful.

In 2005, Alaska Airlines rolled out what it called a Salmon-Thirty-Salmon, a jet painted to look like a fish. The paint job cost a half million dollars, and the tab was picked up by the Alaska Fisheries Marketing Board. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Except that the Marketing Board gets its funding from the federal government---thirty million dollars so far. And how does the Chairman of the Alaska Fisheries Marketing Board express his gratitude? Probably by saying:

“Thanks, Dad.”

Yep, the Chairman is Ben Stevens, son of Ted. Given the Senator’s understanding of the internet, let’s hope they don’t communicate via email. You know how clogged those tubes can get.

Senator Stevens is too modest to remind us that he is president pro tempore of the Senate, making him third in line for the presidency, in case, you know... And when you consider Mr. Bush’s propensity for pitching off his bike (to say nothing of choking on pretzels), and Dick Cheney’s heart, we’d better all pray that Denny Hastert starts using the House gym real soon.

HEY THERE LONELYGIRL

There are lots of ways to sell your book. Sometimes you have to get a South American dictator to give you a big shout out at the UN. Sometimes you have to make a fool of yourself doing a parody of the whole Lonelygirl phenomenon on Youtube. While I wait for Hugo Chavez to do the right thing, you can watch the video here.

And remember, Naked Republicans: A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed is on sale wherever hilarious and snarky books are sold.

Lonelygirl51

Even Lonely Girl is reading Naked Republicans!

MOST CORRUPT MEMBERS OF CONGRESS INCLUDE OH, SO MANY NAKED REPUBLICANS

If you haven't checked out NAKED REPUBLICANS: A FULL FRONTAL EXPOSURE OF RIGHT-WING HYPOCRISY AND GREED yet, what are you waiting for? Join the stampede to buy this book.


Seven Naked Republicans make the top 20 list of most corrupt Congress members (plus Rep Don Sherwood in the Dishonorable Mention category). This is a list compiled by the fine folks at Citizens for Ethics and Responsibility in Washington, whose website is beyonddelay.org.

The Seven who made the list include no real surprises: Burns, Frist, Santorum, Blunt, Ken Calvert of California, and John Doolittle, from the Sacramento area. I was glad to see Rep. Don Sherwood of Pennsylvania get a dishonorable mention. He was involved in a domestic violence situation with a young woman who was not his wife, and while he denied choking her and assaulting her, as she alleged in an official complaint, he did settle out of court for an undisclosed sum of money. Just one look at his dancing eyes (right) and you can see why a 29 year old woman would fall for him, can't you? Me, neither.

Sherwood's Republican friends have rallied around him, of course, sending him campaign funds to make sure that a fine, upstanding citizen such as himself manages to hold on to his seat in Congress.

PLEASE, BOYCHIK GEORGE, DENY ANY JEWISH ROOTS



Well, that was a close one. During a debate Monday with Democratic opponent James Webb, Senator George Allen was asked whether he could confirm a report in The Forward that his mother, Etty Lumbroso Allen, came from a prominent Sephardic Jewish family. Outraged by the question, Allen spluttered on about freedom of religion, and then denied the assertion.

Does anybody really care whether Senator George Allen’s mother came from a prominent Jewish family? Well, yeah. I do.

Haven’t we Jews suffered enough this year? Everywhere we turn there’s another shonda (embarrassment), from Jack Abramoff to Joe Lieberman. We learn that Rep. Eric Cantor had a sandwich named after himself at a fundraiser at Abramoff’s deli. We’ve got Kristol, Wolfowitz, Perle. Do we really need a Jewish George Allen?

Fortunately, Allen seemed outraged by the question. As his supporters booed, (suddenly, the very mention of religion is off limits to these guys-- or is it the horrifying possibility that he could be Jewish?) Allen delivered his lecture on religious rights and then characterized the reporter’s question as “casting aspersions.”

Finally, he said “as far as he knew,” his mother was raised as a Christian.

As far as he knows? If you have a Jewish mother, you know it. A Jewish mother doesn’t let you wear a Confederate flag lapel pin in your high school yearbook picture, or pimp your pickup truck with rebel flag bumper stickers. She might mention her religious heritage when you have your picture taken with white supremacist members of the Council of Concerned Citizens. And I don’t think a Jewish mother visiting her son’s law office would remain silent about the noose he kept hanging there, or that she’d fail to ask her daughter in law if hanging a Confederate flag in her son George’s home was really the best interior decorating idea she could come up with. (There’s much more juice on Allen—and not the kind that dribbles from his tobacco chaw--in my book Naked Republicans: A Full Frontal Exposure of Right Wing Hypocrisy and Greed).

I believe you, George. Besides, The Forward’s story says the family was forced to convert to Christianity long ago, so it’s entirely possible that his mother was raised a Christian.

Senator Allen mentioned several times that his grandfather was “incarcerated by the Nazis” but for political reasons, not because he was Jewish. Maybe the Nazis just hated him for his freedom.

Remember when Boychik George was a front-runner for the 2008 GOP presidential nomination?

Now, it looks like he won’t be our first almost-Jewish President.

Such suffering we do.

GEORGE ALLEN, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN








Dogged by protestors out to make a monkey out of him




KEEPING UP WITH SENATOR MACACA

As seen in NAKED REPUBLICANS: A Full Frontal Exposure of Right Wing Hypocrisy and Greed
ON SALE NOW!

When last we left our old friend George Allen, he was trying to pull his macaca covered cowboy boot out of his mouth. After predicting in Naked Republicans that the best way to stop him would be simply to let him talk, we can’t say we were surprised.

Still, credit where it’s due, we have been entertained beyond our wildest dreams. (It began when he hired Dick Wadham, aka Dick Wad) as his campaign manager. Wad(ham) worked on the Thune campaign against Tom Daschle in South Dakota, enlisting the journalistic skills of one Jeff “Callboy” Gannon to help smear Daschle.

Unfortunately, not even Dick Wadham can protect George Allen from himself.

Favorite move this month has to be stealing a piece of legislation from Senator Dick Durbin and introducing it as his own right before Durbin can do it, (Dad, did you see that? I intercepted that guy’s bill. I did good, right? Dad? Sir? Coach?).

We also enjoyed watching him get outed in The Nation for meeting with the Council of Conservative Citizens, nee the KKK. And that’s after the “Welcome to America, Macaca.”

Now we get to watch a United States Senator hounded by protestors dressed a giant banana and monkey.



Tim Russert asked him on MTP yesterday if he would pledge to serve a full six year term if re-elected to the Senate, and he wouldn’t.

MR. RUSSERT: We are out of time. Before we go, Senator Allen, you have said, “The Senate is too slow for me.” Would you pledge to serve a full six-year term if re-elected to the Senate? SEN. ALLEN: The Senate does move too slowly. Having been governor I like action and I wish the Senate would move faster. But my focus is to keep fighting in the Senate for these ideas. MR. RUSSERT: For six—will you serve a six-year term? SEN. ALLEN: I’m the only candidate running on ideas on education... MR. RUSSERT: OK. SEN. ALLEN: ...and on energy independence. And I am focused... MR. RUSSERT: I, I, I’ve read the—I’ve read the brochure. I’ve read the brochure. SEN. ALLEN: ...and I want—I will... MR. RUSSERT: But will you serve... SEN. ALLEN: Sure, and you can put it in as a...(unintelligible)...of my family. MR. RUSSERT: ...will you pledge to serve a full six-year term? SEN. ALLEN: I pledge that I’m going to fight as hard as I can for our shared values and vision for Virginia for the next six years in Washington. (emphasis added)


But he doesn’t have to take the pledge. Ain’t gonna happen.

FOR MORE ON GEORGE ALLEN AND OH, SO MANY OTHERS, CHECK OUT
NAKED REPUBLICANS: A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed

We’ll always have Freedom Fries


Once Bob Ney was the Mayor of Capitol Hill, wielding his influence as chairman of the House Administration committee to assign parking spaces and order French fries to be renamed “freedom fries” in the House cafeteria. Now, he’ll be trading cigarettes for extra cans of Pringles in prison. It’s an American tragedy, don’t you think?

I don’t mean to be melodramatic, it’s just that I’m reeling from the stunning news of Ney’s guilty plea to fraud and conspiracy in the Abramoff scandal. Next thing you know, we’ll find out he wears a toupee. He’s admitting to taking about 170 thousand dollars worth of goodies from Abramoff and his associates. Who could have seen that coming? After all, for more than a year he denied any wrongdoing. “I was duped,” he said, and we believed him, didn’t we? Even when we read emails like this one:

“Just met with Ney! We’re f’ing gold! He’s going to do Tigua…”
---Jack Abramoff, March 2002

Now Ney says he has a drinking problem and has checked himself in for rehab. He didn’t take the Mel Gibson defense until he learned that unlike Mel, they can take away his freedom. And they will. The prosecutors are asking for 27 months.

Actually, my favorite corruption charge doesn’t involve Abramoff at all. It involves Elvis. Well, at least indirectly. In 2003, Ney was flown to London by a guy named Nigel Winfield, who wanted to sell American-made airplane parts to Iran. In exchange for the trip, Ney lobbied the State department to get the sanctions against Iran lifted. Winfield was a convicted felon who had once tried to screw Elvis Presley on an airplane deal. Ney, of course, says he didn’t know Winfield was a criminal.

Which does lead to the question, could anybody call up Bob Ney, invite him on an all expenses paid trip to Europe, and ask him to lobby the Secretary of State…without Ney’s staff doing so much as a five minute background check on Google before handing their boss his passport and airplane tickets?

As Ney was heading for rehab, his House Republican buddies were passing a tiny, toothless “reform” bill that does nothing to clean up the corrupting influence of lobbyists like Jack Abramoff. It requires House members to identify themselves as they stuff earmarks into legislation; they can still rip off taxpayers, as long as they tell us they’re ripping us off.

“We’re blowing away the fog of anonymity,” Rep. David Dreier announced.

Something definitely blows, that’s for sure.

As for good old Bob Ney, We’re going to miss you, Mr. Disgraced ex-Congressman, but we’ll always have freedom fries.


Don't Forget!
Naked Republicans: A Full Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed (wherever fine books are sold)
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Tom DeLay Is Dancing As Fast as He Can
It must suck to be Tom DeLay, ex-Hammer. No longer able to threaten to cut off campaign funds from independent-minded fellow Republicans, or the balls of Democrats, he’s reduced to writing emails like this one, which can be found in its entirety at Jake Tapper’s blog at abcnews.com.


"Dear Friend,

"I am writing to you today in an effort to help a good friend of mine, country music singer and GOP supporter Sara Evans. Sara will be competing this year on ABC’s smash hit "Dancing with the Stars" beginning Tuesday, September 12, at 8 pm Eastern/ 7pm Central. Sara has recently launched a new website www.DancingWithSara.com that will connect her fans to exclusive behind the scenes material from the show. Register with this website for free today and then watch Sara compete starting September 12 – and don’t forget that YOUR VOTE HELPS DETERMINE THE WINNER!

"Sara Evans has been a strong supporter of the Republican Party and represents good American values in the media. From singing at the 2004 Republican Convention to appearing with candidates in the last several election cycles, we have always been able to count on Sara for her support of the things we all believe in. Let’s show Sara that same support by watching and voting for her each week to help her win this competition. One of her opponents on the show is ultra liberal talk show host Jerry Springer. We need to send a message to Hollywood and the media that smut has no place on television by supporting good people like Sara Evans.


Do they let you watch “Dancing With the Stars” in jail? Just asking…

And Now They're Going After Poor Christine DeLay
The Houston Chronicle reports today that the FBI is investigating whether Mrs ex Hammer earned thousands of dollars from The Alexander Strategy Group without actually doing any work. The lobbying firm was run by DeLay cronies until they were swamped by the slime of the Abramoff scandal and forced to close, but the FBI apparently isn't finished digging into the Abramoff muck, and the DeLays may have issues.

We're sure there's a logical explanation for everything.

Hey kids, welcome to Naked Republicans, the blog. If you dropped in through website for Nakedrepublicansthebook.com, thanks for visiting. It's not quite completed, but the key part, the one where you get to buy the book, works just fine. I'm sure you bought several copies, right?

What I will do on this blog is pick up where the book left off when I had to send it to be printed. The website currently features a charming little update on Katherine Harris, who is the odds on favorite to win the Russell Crowe phone toss event at the Anger Management Olympics.

Meanwhile, the First Pinhead, with no apparent irony, points out that America is too dependent on foreign oil, from countries where "they simply don't like us." Not sure if that includes Canada.

So does that mean, at long last, his administration will support increasing fuel efficiency standards on cars, or invested in alternative energy sources? What are you, stupid? Two words, my friends: nuclear power. Make that, nucular, as in, "Nucular power is safe, nucular power is clean, nucular power is renewable."

And, not unlike your presidency, it leaves behind a giant waste heap that will last for generations.