OJ Auditions for the Bush Administration

Fox schedules a Very Special OJ--See the Show, Read the Book


Like most people, when I first heard the news that OJ was back, yet again, I couldn't help but cover my ears to muffle the painful sound of the bottom of the barrel being scraped. But it shouldn't have been a surprise. After all, OJ has proven for more than ten years that he literally has no shame, and as for his publisher and no doubt hard-hitting interviewer in the TV special, Judith Regan, well, she did have an affair with Bernard Kerik, so what does that tell you about her judgment?

Then it dawned on me that he's just auditioning for a gig in the Bush administration.

As we know, being a criminal is no barrier to entry in the Republican party. Roughing up a woman won't necessarily cost you your job either, although Don Sherwood learned in Pennsylvania that even if your party supports you with money and a Presidential campaign stop, the voters may not forgive you (or believe your claim that you're merely a cheater, not a beater).

We've also seen that like many Republicans, OJ will do anything for money, and will blithely ignore a court ruling that doesn't suit him (like, paying the 33 million dollar judgment in the civil case he lost to the Goldman and Brown families). And now, with a couple of blocks thrown by the News Corps., he's showing Republicans with pending law enforcement issues just how to dart and weave through the legal minefield, dodging responsibility while still cashing in. He's a role model for all of them.

"If I Did it, Here's How it Happened" is the perfect construct for almost anybody in the administration. Take Dick Cheney. "If I did let my buddies in the energy industry write our energy policy, here's how it happened," he might say. Or, "If I did insist on using torture tactics on prisoners, Here's How it Happened."

You get the picture. The possibilities are endless. Katherine Harris on "If I did suppress thousands of votes in the 2000 election, Here's How it Happened." Condi Rice: "If I did say no one could have anticipated that terrorists would hijack planes and use them as weapons against us, Here's how it happened."

For the president, the list might begin with, "If I did say no strings were pulled for me to stay out of Vietnam, Here's how it happened," and end (so far) with "If I did say Rumsfeld would stay until 2008, Here's How it Happened."

I've always thought OJ was a Republican. Now I'm sure.


Have you checked out Naked Republicans, A Full-Frontal Exposure of Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Greed yet? It'll make your Holiday season so much more fun.