Things I learned from the Republican Debate


Clearly, the candidates are as eager for the end of the Bush/Cheney era as the rest of us, and there was some hating on Bush from time to time. Tancredo, Huckabee and McCain all took direct shots at Their President, and almost everybody took indirect shots when they talked about global warming and energy policy.


Nothing scares Americans more than cancer.
--Sam “Snowflake” Brownback

The islamodemocrats will socialize our medicine and are fighting the Cold War which Ronald Reagan won singlehandedly.
---Guiliani


America is about to turn into the Balkans, or at least is about to be “split apart into a lot of balkanized pieces” so never mind learning Spanish, better brush up on your Croatian or Serbian idioms.
---Tom Tancredo

Tom Tancredo is bat shit crazy
--everybody else

But at least he said George Bush can never darken the doorstep of a Tancredo White House, unless he’s holding a leaf blower and ready to do the yard work that the deported Mexicans are no longer around to do.

Probably a lot of people died needlessly in Iraq because Bush and Rumsfeld and Cheney are total fuck ups. (“Americans have made great sacrifices, some of which were unnecessary because of this management of the war -- mismanagement of this conflict.
---McCain


Mitt Romney believes in God and Jesus Christ is his savior. Sam Brownback knows that God knows and loves him. But no one believes in God more than Mike Huckabee. Still, he is forced to admit he “wasn’t there” when God created the Heavens and the Earth. Also, he doesn’t know that humans actually are primates (“If anybody wants to believe that they are the descendants of a primate, they are certainly welcome to do it.")

John McCain believes that “God loves us,” except Rudy Guiliani, whom He tried to smite with a lightning bolt, but missed

Tuesday was the birthday of Ronald Reagan, the One True God of republicans. Shouldn’t we all have had the day off or something?
--Huckabee

Duncan Hunter hates immigrants, but he loves the cheap Mexican Lipitor for “Grampy.”

Guiliani Time is suspended for poor, overly harshly sentenced Scooter Libby

The reason that Republicans got their asses kicked in 2006 was they spent too much money on prescription drug plans.

The only way the Republican debates could bring more funny is if Curly Sue co-star and fake red pick up driver Fred Thompson gets into the race.